A prayer answered

One of the problems we have faced concerning the RA's stealing habit has been that his mother - the X wife - refused to believe he was doing it. On one occasion when RA was caught with a missing 60 euros in his coat pocket, he accused me of planting it there to get him into trouble. OK - I was pissed off with him but when we were all there in the living room talking about it, it was more like a stupid joke. He knew and we knew that it wasn't true.
But a few days later I heard that the X was telling other people that I had put money in her sons pocket. This was when I started to see red. I try to be as honest in my life as possible. If a shop gives me too much change I always return it. I believe in the Buddhist principle of not taking something if it is not freely given. And I care about my reputation. Also I didn't like the X walking past me on the street with her nose in the air and her head turned away.
So I went a little bit on strike. I cooked less when RA was home. I didn't get in his way but neither did I help him. We were still speaking to each other but if he was just grunting on the couch attached to his mobile and messenger then I didn't bother trying to communicate with him.
This wasn't my immediate reaction. First I felt huge rage and then terrible sadness. I saw the future stretching ahead with a fast deteriorating relationship not only between RA and me but of course it would affect my partner and myself. He wants someone who helps him in parenting. I feel totally powerless because my instinct would be to get professional help. Or at least to deal with it head on. But his approach is much more softly softly and he continues to hope that things will change by themselves.
I went up to see my mother in law - in tears. She is also worried by the situation but she wants me to take on the role of helpmate. She feels that this man and this boy really need me and my skills and I must just get on with it. The woman's role in life! Do I remember that once I was a feminist?

Anyway, to cut to the end of this story. So far RA has been only stealing money from us. Yesterday he finally cracked and gave into the temptation to take 50 euros from his mothers purse. Of course he denied it but she knew it was him and she started to go through the rollercoaster of emotions that hit us last year. Anger. Sadness. Fear for the future. Guilt about what has gone wrong.
I heard the phonecall as she talked it all over with my partner. I had to leave the room to hide my smile and my reaction of 'YES'. Perhaps now something will get done about it. EArlier that day I had prayed - please make him steal from another person so we can begin to find a way out of this situation?
And someone heard me