Some therapy

I suppose many people with problem adolescents get to the point of thinking ' let's go to see a therapist'.
We have arrived at that point. We are admitting powerlessness and asking for help.
Here are some things to think about

• Which therapist?  Ask around and try to find someone who has experience working with adolescents and families.
• Be prepared to see several before you find the right one. Jordi went to see someone a few months ago and he went with only his X Vilma. It was a bit of a disaster as she cried and blamed all through the session and they came away with the advice to talk more to RA and stop using punishments. but no alternatives were suggested and Jordi ended up feeling like a ship with no rudder. things happened  - more stealing, no homework done, non attendance at school, refusal to attend grandmothers funeral....but what to do? Just talk? Hard with a boy who is only interested in sending messages on his mobile and grunts in response to any conversation.
• Who will go to the session? Obviously it is best for everyone to go but it's no easy task persuading three people who already have bad relations to agree on a person, a place and a time.
• How to persuade RA to go along? Bribe him? Threaten him?  Pretend it is an appointment with a famous hip hop DJ?
• Should the evil stepmother go too?  Four people in the room would leave little space for constructive thought. In our case especially as the X has a tendency to dominate all discussions with dramatic exhibitions of anger and tears. Also there is the language problem. We would spend a lot of time just translating to and from English.

Anyway, this evening they have all gone to see someone new. Someone recommended by the school so she is experienced with adolescents, hopefully able to see the destructive patterns of a couple who argued their way through 17 years together, and someone interested in helping RA find more postive ways to rebel than just stop all school work and break trust with those closest to him.

I feel I am sounding increasingly bitter here. I am just tired. Really I want to find a way forward so we can live as a family with only the normal difficulties that arise when living together with a growing boy.  I want to keep trying and to stay openhearted. But perhaps you can understand that sometimes it all gets too much?

I will get back to you with how it all went.